The Basilisk's Happy Family
by Magical Girl Pretty Sammy-Chan
Summary: Sammy has to write a Harry Potter Fic in 3 days or she's kicked out of the Fanfiction Club! What to do, when Sammy's passion is Anime! What else, make a story that's so bad...well READ and find out! R&R! COMPLETE!


Author's Notes: Okay this story says that it's Harry Potter, but it really isn't. It's more of an original fic idea that uses a Harry Potter Fic as a plot device. This story is REALLY nuts and deserves some background history.  
  
Okay, my friends on Fanfiction.net (Peacockgal17 and HermioneVillian713) both write ONLY, STRICTLY, Harry Potter fanfiction. Harry Potter is all fine and good, but I enjoy anime much more. The only problem is that whenever I try to explain a fanfiction of mine, they go, "Huh? What? I don't get it..." I decided to finally write them a Harry Potter Story, but I made their demands a little...extreme. Okay, so here we go!  
  
Other Note: HermioneVillian loves to laugh. .

* * *

One day at Fanfiction Headquarters....  
  
Sammy: (charging into the room) Look at my new Fanfiction guys!  
  
Hermione Villian and Peacock: (accusingly) Is it anime?  
  
Sammy: No!  
  
(HV and Peacock give her inquisitive glares.)  
  
Sammy: Maybe...  
  
(HV and Peacock give her the evil eye.)  
  
Sammy: A little...  
  
(HV and Peacock are ready to lunge on her)  
  
Sammy: Yes...  
  
Peacock: Sammy, we let you join this club, thinking that you would write good Harry Potter Fanfiction! Not Anime Whooziwatzits, of which we can not comprehend!  
  
Sammy: But, writing Anime Fanfiction is my passion!  
  
Peacock: Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care! Now you have exactly 3 days to write a Harry Potter Fanfic, or you are out of the club!  
  
Sammy: You can't kick me out!  
  
HV: Technically, we can. (Laughs)  
  
Peacock: NOW GET TO IT!  
  
(Peacock and HV slam the door of the headquarters, leaving Sammy alone to fend for herself. She knows she must write an HP fic in only 3 days!)

* * *

Sammy: (picking up Harry Potter Movie DVD's) Maybe Hermione Villain's DVDs can help think of an idea for my fic.  
  
(Sammy hooks up the DVD player and starts to play the movie. Five seconds into the opening credits she yawns from boredom and starts to scan the room for something more interesting to look at. She notices her entire Rurouni Kenshin DVD series. She tries to ignore it, but it overpowers her.)  
  
Sammy: Just one episode won't hurt!  
  
(Sammy opens up the first DVD, takes out Harry Potter and chucks it across the room, then puts in Kenshin and starts to watch.)

* * *

2 days later...  
  
(Sammy has watched the entire series of Rurouni Kenshin, which is about 48 hours.)  
  
Sammy: MY GOD I ONLY HAVE ONE DAY TO WRITE A FIC!  
  
(Sammy is running around stupidly, thinking of something to write, only wasting more time. She desperately flips through the books, thinks of alternate pairings, and stratches them immediately because they are too strange.)  
  
Sammy: (frantically) Maybe....maybe a crossover! Zelda-lover(other fanfiction buddy) does that all the time! Now, what to cross over. Shouldn't be anime. Now to think of something else I know to crossover with Harry Potter besides Anime...  
  
(3 hours later.)  
  
Sammy: I got nothing.  
  
(Sammy again frantically runs around the house, trying to write something. She decides to wing it and grabs a notebook to write something down.)  
  
Sammy: Okay! I'll just have to do it as it goes....(thinks) Okay, ahem, "One day, Harry--" Hey, this ain't so hard! "Harry...."  
  
(An hour later)  
  
(Still on Sammy's paper are the words, "One day, Harry". She looks out into space and then suddenly rips up the paper violently.)  
  
Sammy: It's no use! I give....I'm...I'm too weak! All that's going through my head is anime—speaking of which, I should probably get to work on Chapter 2 of The Second Pilgrimage—NO NO NO NO! THINK HARRY POTTER THOUGHTS! What to do, what to do?  
  
(Sammy walks around the house, thinking and thinking of an idea.)  
  
Sammy: ARRGH! I'm no good at this! I never have been! If only, if only I made something SO bad, they wouldn't ask me to ever write another Harry Potter fanfic...  
  
(Sammy contemplates this for a while, then smirks)  
  
Sammy: It's show time...

* * *

(LATER THAT DAY!)  
  
Peacock: Sammy! We're here! Time to show us your fanfic!  
  
Sammy: (furiously typing at a computer) Sorry guys, just finishing the 9594th chapter.  
  
Peacock: WHAT? (sweating) I never knew you were so into Harry Potter.  
  
Sammy: Oh yeah. (Still typing) It's my new passion! You were right, who needs anime?  
  
Peacock: (ahem) Well, I'm glad you've learned your lesson, let me see the first chapter.  
  
HV: Me too! Let me see!  
  
(Sammy hands them a stack of papers and the three sit at the couch to read.)  
  
Peacock: Ahem! "The Basilisk's Happy Family. Chapter 1: The Fluffiness Starts."  
  
(Peacock turns pale from the happy words. She is very into depression and this does not bode well for her.)  
  
HV: Hey, Harry isn't it the title!  
  
Peacock: Now HV, let's give it a chance. (Still pale) Ahem, hey what's happening? (swirls of blue light form around Peacock and the gang.)  
  
Sammy: Oh, we're just going into magical story mode, hold on!  
  
HV: WHEEEEEE!

* * *

Once upon a time in a land far far away, lived a Basilisk. The Basilisk was once controlled by Lord Voldemort and told to kill Harry Potter, but he was defeated. After spending many years in Re-hab,(and the hospital) he has changed his ways, and has his own family. Let's see what they're up to now!  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" the Basilisk cheerfully opened the white picket fence gate with a smile on his green face. His wife, Wifey Bassy greeted him with a kiss.  
  
"Hello honey! I was just planting more daisies!" she smiled in a flower- print dress.  
  
"You know they're my favorite flower," he snuggled noses with his snakey wife.  
  
"I love you!"  
  
"I love you more!"  
  
"No, I love you more!"  
  
"No, no, I love you more!"

* * *

Peacock: I'm gonna be sick...  
  
(Peacock runs into the bathroom to puke out the happiness. About 20 minutes later.)  
  
Peacock: Okay...on with the story...

* * *

"Oh honey, can you believe that Little Girly Bassy is going to her first prom tonight?" Wifey Bassy giggled.  
  
"Reminds me of my first prom," the Basilisk chortled, "I ATE my date! Get it? It rhymes!"  
  
"Oh honey, you are such a card!" Wifey Bassey laughed with her husband.  
  
"Oh I'm so glad I married you!"  
  
"Oh I'm so glad I married YOU!"  
  
"No YOU!"  
  
"No YOU!"

* * *

(More puking...I won't go into details)  
  
Peacock: Sammy, I have a question.  
  
Sammy: Yes?  
  
Peacock: Every story has to have conflict! Angst, depression! I see none of that!  
  
Sammy: Really? Okay...one second I'll make a few revisions...  
  
Peacock: Good.  
  
(20 minutes later)  
  
Sammy: Okay! I made it nice and depressing, just for you!  
  
Peacock: Hooth! No more bile! On with the chapter.

* * *

"Honey, I think you need to talk to Bassy Jr.," Wifey Bassy's expression became sad.  
  
"What's wrong with him Sugar Candy?"  
  
"I think he's having problems..."

* * *

Peacock: YES! Now, he will have killed a person, because he is possessed by an evil demon that no one can drive out and will live inside him forever! He shall destroy his family one by one until nothing's left! Like that right?  
  
Sammy: Something like that.

* * *

"Hey champ?" the Basilisk knocked on Bassy Jr.'s door, then came in to find Bassy Jr. aimlessly throwing his baseball into a glove. "Mom said you were having problems. Can I help?"  
  
"Dad...it's..." Bassy Jr. looked ashamed of himself, "I got a B on my last math test!"

* * *

Peacock: WHAT THE HELL?! THAT IS NOT DEPRESSION! A B IN MATH IS NOT DEPRESSION! DEATH, IS DEPRESSION! INJURY IS DEPRESSION! INNER DEMONS IS DEPRESSION! YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN ANGST WRITER! I DEMAND THAT YOU GO BACK AND PUT SOME REAL DEPRESSION INTO THIS STORY!  
  
Sammy: Oh be quiet. (puts duct tape over Peacock's mouth and arms. She writhes on the ground, still in shock.)  
  
HV: But Sammy, Peacock has a point.  
  
Sammy: What's that?  
  
HV: There's no Harry in it.  
  
Sammy: (sweatdropping) I don't think Peacock ever made that point.  
  
HV: There needs to be more Harry! This IS a Harry Potter fic!  
  
Sammy: You have a point, I'll make a rewrite.  
  
(2 minutes later)  
  
HV: That was fast.  
  
Sammy: Well, the change was minor. You'll see it after the Bassy Jr. scene.

* * *

"Don't worry Champ," The Basilisk stated. "Just get extra help from your teacher. That's what they're there for! Teachers are your friends!"  
  
"You're right Dad! Thanks, you're my hero!" the two embraced and they heard Wifey Bassy calling for dinner.

* * *

HV: Is it coming soon?  
  
Sammy: Yep, it's right here.  
  
"Honey, Jr., Girly, the Harry-Ka-Bobs are ready!"

* * *

HV: (frozen in shock) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Falls over immobilized by fear. Peacock has finally gotten the duct tape off to see her fallen comrade.)  
  
Peacock: NO! You got HermioneVillian too!  
  
Sammy: Is my fic that destructive?  
  
Peacock: Let's just skip the dinner scene. What's next?  
  
Sammy: The chapter where Girly Bassy's boyfriend comes to pick her up for the Senior Prom!  
  
Peacock: YES! AND NOW HE SHALL DUMP HER, LEAVING HER IN A MISERY OF WOE! THEN, SHE, MISSING HIM TOO MUCH, SHALL TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE!  
  
Sammy: Umm....that's about the outline of it.

* * *

"Oh! Fred is here to pick me up!" Girly Bassy, dressed in a pretty, modest, pink dress was ready for Fred to pick her up for the Senior prom. She was very excited, and Fred was the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for! He was smart, dependable, athletic, cute, generous, loving, committed, non- two timing, rich, lovely, wonderful, great, super, super-deduper, another adjective that means wonderful, and stupendous!  
  
"Oh Girly?" Fred walked in the door, dressed in his best tux. He held out a pink corsage for her.  
  
"Oh Fred I love it!" she smiled, "But wait...there's something shiny in here..." Girly Bassy's heart raced as she pulled out a GIANT SUPER WONDERFUL LOVELY DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING! "Oh Fred! I love it too!"  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

* * *

Peacock: NO NO NO! THIS IS AWFUL, HORRIBLE, THE WORST THING I'VE EVER READ!  
  
(HV has gotten up and the two are shredding all 9594 chapters of the story in a paper shredder.)  
  
HV: Harry...Harry-ka-bobs...  
  
Peacock: NO DEPRESSION, NO ANGST, NO SUICIDE ATTEMPTS! YOU KEPT YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN BY WRITING A FIC, BUT NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER WRITE ANOTHER HARRY POTTER FIC EVER AGAIN!  
  
HV: STICK TO THE CONFUSING ANIME!  
  
Sammy: Really, you don't mind?  
  
HV and Peacock: WE INSIST!  
  
Sammy: Okay! If that's what you want!  
  
(Sammy walks into her room and pulls out her "Anime Fanfiction Notebook". )  
  
Sammy: Now...December Air Chapter 4... "March White Day..."  
  
(Sammy looks at it, then erases it and writes, "The Basilisk's Happy Family. How I Gained Freedom. Chapter One: Fell for It, Hook Line and Sinker.")  
  
And that is exactly what you have read! 

* * *

Sorry Peacock and HV! Didn't mean to make you seem like meanies! Their fics are great, read them! Read them, OR DIE! J/K   
  
Review Please!  
  
Until then, Ciao for now! 


End file.
